


SPN Advent Writing Challenge 2017

by earlgreytae



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x12 reference, 13x05 Coda, Advent Writing Challenge, Angels, Angst, Baby, Binge Drinking, Breakup Fic, Car Accident, Cas keeps an allotment, Cas loves bees, Cas’ POV, Christmas, College AU, Dean’s POV, Dusk - Freeform, Established Realtionship, F/M, Fear, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Gardener!Cas, Grandma!Mary, Grief, Happy Ending, Heaven, Hope, House Party, Hunter Castiel, Hunter Dean, Hunter Sam, Hunting, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Journey, Loss, M/M, Making Out, Mature rating for future chapters, Men of Letters Bunker, Modern AU, Monsters, Neglect, Nightmares, Pancakes, Peace, Restore, Roadtrip, Sam Has a Fear of Clowns, Save the bees, Sharing a Bed, Sleep, Solo, Some Fluff, Sunflowers, Tags will be added as necessary, Team Free Will, Trauma, Vociemails, Vonnegut, Warning will be added with each chapter, Worried Dean, awkward fluff, biologist!Cas, bunker!fic, child!Jack, dean and cas are parents, dean is a germaphobe, human!Cas, hunter husbands, moment, much fluff, parent!Dean, warnings in each chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-09 14:07:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12889524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlgreytae/pseuds/earlgreytae
Summary: As the countdown to Christmas begins, I’ve decided to post a small 200-1k word ficlet everyday for Advent.These will all be set in the Supernatural Verse and will mainly be focused on Dean/Cas.Some may be set in the canon verse and some may be au. All tags, warnings and pairing will be specified in each ficlet.Each day will have a new prompt, you can check these out on mytumblr.You can also read them on there.





	1. December 1st: Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here’s the first day (late I know).
> 
> Day: December 1st
> 
> Prompt: Peace
> 
> Words: 484
> 
> Rating: General
> 
> Set: SPN Canon Bunker
> 
> Pairings: Slight Dean/Cas
> 
> Warnings: References to Season 13

There hadn’t been many times in Cas’ existence when he’d felt truly at peace. The angels had gift wrapped him the false sense of it and for a long time, that’s what he believed to be true. Angels were made to be peace givers. They were the embodiment of it. It was their duty to make sure their Father’s mankind had someone- something to pray to. To seek peace in.

Castiel has always held his duty. He would serve mankind with all his heart. He still remembered the pride he’d felt pulling the older Winchester out of Hell. The peace he’d given back to Sam and Bobby. That fulfilment of success.

So when Castiel first stepped on Earth, he was lost. The humans had peace, but their own kind of peace. It wasn’t like the idealistic version the angels prided themselves in. It was a raw emotion. Something they were constantly fighting for. Not through some prayer to someone they didn’t quite believe in, but through themselves. The Winchester’s were always fighting. Always striving to keep humanity at peace from the monsters that they didn’t know existed.

Therefore, Castiel had thought it his duty to protect them. Yes, he was an angel made to serve heaven but also, he thought, to serve all humanity. Slowly, that humanity had changed into the form of the Winchesters. He would do anything to save them. But he’d failed- multiple times.

Once the aftermath of the near-apocalypse has subsided, he’d tried protect the brothers from Crowley’s deal, but that only ended in heartbreak and betrayal. After, he’d tried to save Sam from Lucifer, but he only let him in instead.

It was his fault that Bobby died.

It was his fault that Dean was stuck in purgatory for a year.

It was his fault that his brothers and sister’s fell.

His duty seemed futile.

He was now just heaven’s weakest.

He kept trying though. Castiel hadn’t come this far to fall back to bad habits. He’d accepted that the angels had disowned him. In many ways, the bunker was his home now. He’d decided to try and discover human peace instead.

Some days, when the brothers had just come back from a tiring hunt, Dean would convince Cas to watch another cult movie that he classed frankly unmissable. Cas would grumpily agree, hiding the stupid excitement he’d feel whenever he got to spend time alone with Dean. They’d sit in Dean’s room with their arms pressed against each other and laptop across both of their laps. Castiel would try really hard to stay focused in the first few minutes of the movie, and try to stay extra still when he’d find Dean slumped on his shoulder asleep by the last few minutes.

Spending simple moments held so much reward, that the old Castiel had never considered. He’d decided that human peace wasn’t a duty. It was a choice.


	2. December 2nd: Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day: December 2nd
> 
> Prompt: Moment
> 
> Words: 697
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Set: SPN canon bunker
> 
> Parings: Dean/Cas (established)
> 
> Warnings: some references to alcohol and drinking.

_One_ :

There’s that slight moment before Dean pulls the trigger, that everything seems to go slower. His heart pumps with a dull thud. His breath catches in his throat.

Aim.

Pull.

Shoot.

Then the bullet flies through the air, straight into the heart of some unforgiving monster. In that moment, everything comes back to speed. His adrenaline rushes faster around his body, as he watches the brute fall to the ground. Cocking his gun, relief floods over him again. The monster is dead. The victims are safe. Sam is safe. No matter how many times he has hunted, that small worry that today could be the last day still lingers. Therefore, Dean is always forever grateful for the fate that allows him one more day to protect people.

 

 _Two_ :

There’s the pain that comes whenever Sammy is hurt. That constant gnawing worry in the pit of his stomach, as he rushes to keep pressure on the wound. Watching, the distress sear through Sam’s face as he tells Dean “he’s fine” or that “it’ll be better soon”, is almost too much to bear. Over the years it had somewhat got better. Dean had grown to learn that his brother was an absolute fighter and would never give up easily, but that maternal gut feeling was always present. He couldn’t help it. He’d still pace around the bunker when Sam was recovering in his bedroom. He’d still force Sam to drink up his soup and take his painkillers, just to be on the safe side. Of course, he wouldn’t mention his own lack of care for himself in those matters, but Dean had _his_  ways of coping- albeit unhealthy ones.

 

 _Three_ :

Sometimes, when dusk had started to appear hazily on the horizon, Dean would take Baby for a spin down the interstate for a few hours. It was relaxing in many ways, just hearing the low drone of her engine and sweet sight of the evening sun glinting off her bonnet. In the plain chaos of his daily life, escaping across the road was one of Dean’s favourite pastimes. The thoughts of how they’d solve their next setback were filed away and ignored for a while. Dean found it easiest to cope that way.

 

 _Four_ :

Every now and then, Dean would find himself in moments of true happiness. Him and Sam would go out to a bar for a while and drink cool beer whilst hustling pool. They wouldn’t get drunk to manage through the horror. They didn’t need it. On the best of days, each other’s company was the real cure. They’d chat for awhile about how they were doing or the strange people they’d met that day. Women would come and go, brushing against one of their shoulders trying to attract their attention. Although, when Dean was truly happy, he would always politely decline their offers. Maybe buy them a drink, or ask them if they’d like to sit down and just talk. Dean was always fascinated by a new story to tell. Perhaps it would be a brighter tale than most of his.

Other days, Dean would be slumped in one of the bunker chairs, when Castiel would walk back through the front door from a hunt- safe and sound. Dean’s heart would swell at the very sight each time, before grabbing him into a close hug and a kiss on the cheek. Even Sammy’s rolled eyes at Dean’s smitten actions couldn’t discern him. Cas was safe and he was grateful for every minute.

 

 _Five_ :

One is the very best moments Dean had felt, was when Castiel lips had finally touched his. It had been chaste and shy, but also charged with strong emotion. The years of wondering whether his covered love was requited, were shattered into a million pieces of elation. Cas _loved_ him back. 

They’d held each other after that, clinging tightly to each other’s shirts as if it was the last chance they’d get to do so. Then, they’d kissed again, this time stronger than before, with more desire. They couldn’t get enough of it. It was frankly like any other moment Dean had felt before and he sure wasn’t letting go of it.

 


	3. December 3rd: Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day: December 3rd
> 
> Prompt: Sleep
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Set: SPN Canon Bunker (Season 9- human!cas)
> 
> Pairings: Dean/Cas
> 
> Warnings: Swearing

The first time it happened, Castiel woke up breathless and sweaty. He sat up and fumbled around for his bedroom lamp, before dimly lighting his small room. He’d only been human for a few days, and he’d already had his first nightmare. He’d barely become accustomed to sleep, let alone the horror it could bring.

It was if it were a videotape stuck on a loop of all of Castiel’s failures; Metatron slitting his grace away; his brothers and sisters falling to the ground; his helplessness of humanity.

After a few minutes, Castiel tried to get to sleep again. He tried to picture a sunny day with flowers and bees, or Dean’s grin when he thought he’d made a hilarious joke, but however hard he tried the nightmare kept returning. In the end, Castiel huffed out of bed and made a large mug of coffee, before idly reading some of the library’s books.

 

*  
“No! No! Sam! Dean!” Castiel awoke in a flurry. It had been the second time this week he’d had one. This time it had the pictured the sickening ways he’d could lose the brothers. Castiel quickly pulled away his sheets and wiped at his ready face. He’d just need to breathe for a while, and all would be fine- _all fine._

 

*  
“Cas! Cas! What’s wrong?” Dean called, barging through the doorway of his bedroom.

Castiel looked up at him with blurry eyes, as he pulled his fingers through his hair.

“It’s nothing. I’m fine,” he quickly replied, before pulling his rumpled sheets back over himself.

Dean nodded, as if to say “okay” before quickly changing his mind.

“Are you sure?” he asked, rather timidly, “I heard you shout and I thought something had happened-“

“Just a nightmare,” Castiel responded, as he sat up in his bed. Dean looked at him from the doorway with a worried look, before awkwardly pulling his dressing robe closer to his chest.

“I get those too, if it helps,” he murmurs, “I mean I guess you’ve never experienced them before, just being human and all- _fuck_ , I should have done something-“

“Dean, don’t worry, really it’s fine- I guess I’ve kinda got used to them now,” Castiel interrupted.

Dean’s face turned to a deeper look of worry, “wait, this isn’t your first one?” Castiel just nodded slightly confused, before Dean added, “man, you should’ve told me.”

“I didn’t want to bother-“

“Son of bitch,” Dean muttered under his breath, before walking towards the foot of Cas’ bed and mumbling, “is there anything I can to do to help?”

Cas looked confused for a moment, before dashing his head toward his lap. “Could you stay?” he asked while desperately trying to fight a rising blush.

Dean’s face broke into a small smile. “Uhh, course,” he replied as his sat down by Castiel’s desk.

Castiel just turned a deeper shade of red. “I mean, um, in here,” Castiel added, pointing towards his bed.

Dean stared for a while, before matching Cas’ face in colour. “Uhh- of course,” he awkwardly replied, before stumbling over to Castiel’s bed. Castiel quickly moved over to one side to allow Dean enough room, before holding the sheets up and covering both of them. Dean’s breath hitched as he felt Castiel’s side press against him, causing Cas to jerk away slightly.

“Oh sorry, is this okay?” Cas asked, floundering slightly.

“Oh no it’s fine, really,” Dean garbled.

“Okay,” Cas smiled, before pressing against Dean again.

His heart was beating with a quick thud, as his thoughts raced. Dean was in _his_ bed, beside him, and he _didn’t mind_. Cas’ face broke into a huge smile, as he felt a weird sense of relief. He closed his eyes, just feeling the warmth of Dean beside him, and before he knew it he’d lolled onto Dean’s shoulder fast asleep.

*  
That next morning, they awoke in a tangle of limbs, which honestly didn’t fit into a single bed. Cas carefully unraveled himself before stretching and rubbing the sleep out his eyes. He’d just had the best sleep he’d had in ages. No nightmares to be seen. Cas made a mental note to invite Dean more often.


	4. December 4th: Journey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day: 4th
> 
> Prompt: Journey
> 
> Words: 1.3k 
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Set: College au (Lawrence)
> 
> Pairing: Dean/Cas
> 
> Warnings: swearing and running away from home.

“Cas?” Dean called, as he ran down the stairs.

“Hello, Dean” Cas replied, “you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah fine,” Dean said back, as he tried to put on his jacket one-handed.

“Why’d you call then?” Cas asked.

“Oh right yeah,” Dean mumbled back, “I have an idea.”

“Yes?”

“For spring break,” Dean added.

“Okay?”

Dean quickly locked the front door before starting for college. He beamed for a moment as he looked back towards his new prized possession sitting in the drive; Dad’s old car. This was going to be great plan.

“Dean what is it?” Castiel called suddenly jerking Dean out of his thoughts.

“Road trip!” he grinned back.

“Seriously,” Cas said back. Dean could practically hear his eyes roll.

“Deadly,” Dean replied, trying to repress his laughter.

“And you want me to come with you?” Castiel questioned.

“Of course, man!” Dean said.

“Is Sam coming too?”

“Nope, it’ll just be us-“

“Wouldn’t that get boring?” Castiel joked.

“Only if you say it will,” Dean smiled.

“Okay, okay, but where will we go? And in what may I ask?” Castiel continued.

“Aha, that’s the joy of it Cas!”

“What? We take a public transport tour around the grand sights of Lawrence,” Castiel called, full of sarcasm.

“Shut up- you know I didn’t mean that! I meant not knowing where we’ll go. That’s the joy of it.”

“What if we get lost?” Cas remarked.

“You ask too many questions. And anyway, I’ve got to show you the icing on the cake!”

“Which is?”

“Just you wait and see Cas, just you wait and see.”

 

*  
College was well college. An average day of mild stress before finals and a general feeling of not really wanting to be there. Well, at least that’s how most of Cas’ days would go. Usually when the day was finished, Castiel would walk back to campus with Charlie, who lived just a few doors down from his small dormitory. However, today Dean had ushered him to walk back to his instead.

Dean had lived in Lawrence all his life, so still lived in his parents home. In all the ways Dean would complain about it, Castiel was actually kinda jealous of his stability. His dorm could get pretty boring- and he had to cook most of his own meals. Therefore, whenever Cas got the chance to visit Dean’s he was always more than welcome.

Cas had first met Dean in his last year of high school. He’d finally decided to up and leave his destitute Father and try and find a somewhat better living arrangement. Lawrence was a good 200 miles away from his Father, so it seemed like the perfect plan. Castiel has quickly applied to KU and ran. Luckily, he got in and managed to scrape enough cash together to secure a dorm. It wasn’t much, but it was much better than what he had before. And anyway, all his older brothers had followed suit, so it was was sort of inevitable.

Dean had been his lab partner, and through a few lessons they’d quickly become friends- some even may say best. They both had a keen eyes for Biology, but most importantly music.

Castiel still remembers the first time Dean invited him around to look at his existential record collection. They spent a good four hours that afternoon eating doritos and listening to the likes of Elvis to Bon Jovi. After that, they’d make it a weekly event to buy a new record from Crowley’s store and listen to it that evening.

Although, today was a Wednesday, and records were always a Friday thing. So, what did Dean want to show him?

They were about five feet away from his house before Dean started to jump slightly in excitement.

“It’s awesome,” Dean grinned towards Castiel, who looked somewhat bemused.

“Okay let’s- woah,” Castiel said turning towards Dean’s drive where a shiny, black Impala sat.

“‘Twas Dads before, but now this baby’s mine,” Dean explained as he tapped her bonnet.

“It’s beautiful,” Castiel commented as he peered through the windows.

“Yeah, she is. ‘Been kept up in the garage so long, that’s it nice to finally see her get some light,” Dean added, as he got into the driver's seat. Castiel followed into shotgun. He looked towards Dean who had his hands firmly around the steering wheel.

“Wait, so you can drive this?” Castiel asked.

“Yep, got my licence a few months back,” Dean replied with a huge grin plastered on his face.

“And you’re plan is to go on a road trip?”

“Yep,” Dean smiled back, before pulling a small duffle bag from the backseat, “in fact, let’s go now. We can pass by your’s and we’ll get your stuff.”

“Seriously?” Castiel echoed from their conversation this morning.

“Deadly,” Dean echoed back. Castiel huffed slightly, before thinking what’s there left to lose.

*  
They spent the rest of the day cruising down the interstate, before it got dark and they reached their first motel. They quickly checked in, before just laying in their beds and talking about where they could go tomorrow, as they drifted to sleep. This was a little more fun than college.

That morning, they ate a somewhat shitty fried-up breakfast, before hitting the interstate again. It was about midday when they took their first gas stop. Castiel stocked up on the essentials: doritos, pie (for Dean) and a large pack of jolly ranchers, and they were off again.

It was beginning to become dusk, when they drove into Texas. There were only a few trucks on the vast expanse of road, causing an almost peaceful atmosphere. The revs of Baby's engine made the dust rise pick up around them producing an orangey haze, as the low sun was reflected in her wing mirrors. In an odd way, it was rather magical, just cruising down the highway not worrying about daily life.

“So where to next?” Castiel asked, while starting his second packet of doritos.

“Not far,” Dean smiled, with an odd sense of nervousness.

“Okay?” Cas replied skeptically, as they pulled off down a smaller dirt track.

“Dean, are you sure this is right?” Castiel asked, grabbing onto the side of baby’s door as they went over the many dips on the track.

“Yep,” Dean replied, before slowing towards a clearing.

There before them was a large, flat field filled with sunflowers. The low light gave them an golden quality, as they gently swayed to the breeze. It was beautiful.

Dean killed the engine just outside the field, before ushering Castiel to come with him. They both hauled themselves up onto Baby’s bonnet and swung their legs slightly as they took in the surroundings.

“It’s wonderful Dean,” Cas said, staring towards the golden sea.

Dean smiled back as his face grew slightly flush. “I found it a few weeks back, when I was taking Baby out for a test drive,” he explained, “it made me think of you,” he added bashfully.

Castiel turned his head to face Dean’s, “really?”

“Yeah,” Dean replied before pausing to think, “it’s peaceful, but also vibrant and full of life- new beginnings,” he murmured, before dashing his head to his lap, “sorry, that was really cheesy-“

Castiel continued to stare towards Dean, as he interrupted, “No, no, of course not- that’s, that’s incredibly sweet of you.”

Dean smiled awkwardly, “thanks man.”

Castiel sighed before scooting closer to Dean, “come here,” he called.

Dean managed to mumble a quick, “ok,” before being pulled into a close hug, causing his heartbeat to quicken.

Cas pulled away, before looking back at Dean. “You know, you’ve always wanted to go on a road trip?”

“Uhmm,” Dean interjected.

“Well I’ve always wanted to do this-“ Castiel replied before pulling Dean close again, this time into a sweet kiss. Dean’s heart swelled.

Best idea ever.


	5. December 5th: Restore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I’m know I’m getting behind, but I’m trying my best with my work schedule. Hopefully I’ll be up to speed by Sunday. 
> 
> Also thanks so much for the kudos. 
> 
> Day: 5th
> 
> Prompt: Restore
> 
> Words: 672
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Set: Spn Canon (13x05 coda)
> 
> Parings: Dean/Cas
> 
> Warnings: Swearing, alcohol, grief, neglect (John Winchester’s A+ parenting)

Over the years, Dean had faced immense grief; more than the usual person ever had to endure. Since his inkling of youth, all he’d known was loss. His Dad had drowned himself in it, quickly turning it to anger and revenge. His life had become dedicated to hunting the demon that killed his wife, so much so that Dean became almost worthless. He had to become the mother and father that Sammy never had, even if he didn’t have them himself.

By the time his was in his late twenties, he’d already lost his Father and brother in the period of a year. The guilt he’d felt after John’s death had almost overcome him. John had trained him to follow his orders to protect Sammy, that he didn’t know what to think when he sacrificed himself for Dean. In many ways, this grief has finally lead to the sacrifice of himself. He’d failed. Sammy was dead and he couldn’t stop it. His only resolution was to spare his soul for Sammy’s life.

However, by some miracle, he’d been given another chance. The angel Castiel had pulled him out of Hell and restored him to Earth.

From that day on, there was no doubting that they held a special bond. Even early on, when Cas has still felt it his duty to obey heaven, there was some sense of protection between the two.

After, Castiel’s defiance, this had grown to something more. Dean had started to regard Castiel’s safety with that same burning desire to protect as he’d always had with Sammy.

Not until many years later, however, did Dean realise that he was in love with the angel. He’d always known he’d like men as well as women, but he never quite believed that he could fall in love with an angel. Was it wrong? It couldn’t be. John had made Dean hardly believe in his attraction to guys, let alone celestial beings.

Yet still, Dean was in love.

And there was no escaping it.

He never acted in on it though. He’d awkwardly flirt with Cas or subconsciously keep others away him, but when it really came down to it, he swallowed his pride. Castiel would never feel the same way. It would destroy our friendship

But then that dreadful night in the barn happened. Castiel lying on his deathbed, ridden with sickness, said it.

I love you.

Straight to his face.

Dean didn’t know what to think, it was too much. Cas was dying and yet he loved him. He loved him back. Although, Dean still swallowed his pride, and he before he knew it Cas was gone again.

Then dead.

*  
Dean still kept all the voicemails he left after Cas’ death. On particularly bad days, when he was half drowned in liquor, he leave him another message.

[21:23 11/10/17]  
Please man, I need you.

[22:39 12/10/17]  
You don’t understand how much pain I’m in.

[02:45 16/10/17]  
I miss you.

[23:35 17/10/17]  
I wish Sammy would just get it for once! You always got it.

[04:05 22/10/17]  
Fuck! Why? Why’d you have fucking die?

[04:32 22/10/17]  
You’re so selfish, you know that, leaving me-

[00:19 27/10/17]  
I love you too.

Dean stopped leaving messages after that. He finally admitted it, not that it made moving on any easier. In many ways it made it harder, knowing what they could’ve been.

*  
“Hello, Dean,” the low voice murmured from the side of the line.

Dean couldn’t believe it.

Castiel was alive.

He’d never driven so fast.

And then he was there, in Cas’ arms again, feeling his warmth. His hope that always brung.

He’d restored Dean’s faith.

That night, they’d crept into the bunker kitchen together to make late night pancakes, which ended in them sharing their first makeout session, albeit shrouded in flour. Dean couldn’t help but think, after all his tears of grief, perhaps he’d finally found an escape.

 


	6. December 6th: Solo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha I'm late! Okay, so I'm avidly writing to catch up by today, so all shall be fine, (god I'm such a mess). 
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy this installment. 
> 
> Day: 6th
> 
> Prompt: Solo
> 
> Words: 1.2k 
> 
> Rating: Mature
> 
> Set: College AU 
> 
> Pairings: Previous Dean/Lisa, Dean/Cas
> 
> Warnings: breakup, sex reference, alcohol, underage drinking (they are all 18) swearing.

Dean had just recovered from a sticky breakup; well, at least he thought he had. It had been almost two months since Lisa left him, and yet he still missed her. There’d still be those days when he wished he could’ve done better to stop it, even though he knew it was going to come to an end soon. He’d even predicted it. However, he still couldn’t escape it.

 

They’d been going out for almost five years before the split. They’d met as highschool lovers and quickly became the  _ it  _ couple.

 

The perfect couple in which nothing could go wrong. 

 

_ “They’re destined for each other,”  _

 

_ “They’re gonna get married one day,” _

 

_ “I wish I had a relationship like that,” _

 

But, like everything in life, things crumbled. As college progressed, they’d slowly drifted apart, maybe from the stress or some over inexplicable reason that Dean would never really understand. 

 

This then led to petty arguments. Then arguments about their priorities. Then arguments about each other. Then just occasional angry sex that held no real meaning anymore.

 

Not that any of their fellow classmates noticed, to them it was like they were together and happy one day, and then broken and ignoring the next. 

 

Dean didn’t like to dwell on those days though, it just made him feel worse about his decisions. That small inkling of regret that maybe he could’ve stopped it and they’d still be happy together. 

 

Or maybe it was just inevitable. 

 

Maybe he’d never know. 

 

All he knew now, was that he’d moved on. Finally.  _ Hopefully.  _

 

He was going solo. 

 

In many ways, it was the probably for the best. Dean needed time to find himself again. Yet, he still ached for that closeness of a relationship. That warmth that they brought. He got so used to it over the years, that he’d almost took it for granted. 

 

About a week later, he’d realised him missing Lisa had healed quite along time ago. What he really wanted was that  _ loved  _ feeling again. 

 

*

It was about three weeks later, when Castiel Novak first arrived at Dean’s college. Dean had been sitting idly at his Maths desk, when a tall, dark haired boy waltzed into the classroom. Ms. Missouri quickly bundled up from her desk to announce the arrival of their new student. He smiled slightly, before dodging his eyes under his mop of hair, and walking towards the nearest empty desk, which just happened to be right next to Dean’s. Missouri got them started on their first review task, before winding her way to back to her desk. Dean dejectedly got started, before smiling to himself and turning towards to his right. 

 

“Sup,” Dean smirked with his best flirty smile, before immediate regretting it. 

 

Castiel turned his head towards Dean before giving him a worried look, as if to say ‘what the hell man?’ Dean gulped, before giving an awkward smile and looking back down to his desk. 

 

_ God dammit Dean, at least try to find out whether he’s straight before hitting on him.  _

 

_ You just never learn do you- _

 

Although, to his surprise, his thoughts were interrupted by Castiel laughing. 

 

Dean quickly grew red, “what?” he remarked defensively. 

 

Castiel quickly stopped, “oh- nothing,” he quickly mumbled. 

 

“Well it’s obviously something,” Dean snapped back. 

 

Castiel began to backtrack, “I- I didn’t mean to offend you, it’s just you were-”

 

“Mmm?” Dean continued, filling with regret again as he saw Castiel’s face turn to annoyance. 

 

“Look, man, I don’t even know you-”  he uttered, while putting his hands up in surrender.

 

_ Way to go, Dean; flirting mission already accomplished. _

 

Dean mentally kicked himself, before apologising and returning to his equations. He thought it better to just remain silent throughout the lesson. 

 

*

The next time Dean saw Castiel a few days had passed. Dean was in the middle of collecting Sam’s latin textbook, when he spotted him cooped up in some book in the corner. Taking a deep breath, he decided to walk over. 

 

“Hey,” he called, causing Castiel to look up with a bemused expression, “I- uhh, I just wanted to say sorry for being a dick in Maths class,” Dean continued. 

 

Castiel stared for a second before replying, “okay. Thanks, I guess.” 

 

“Yeah- I mean thanks too,” Dean mumbled, before quickly turning back and bumping his leg on a nearby chair. 

 

He heard Castiel giggle slightly before he called out, “hey, wait a minute.” 

 

Dean turned back around to look at him.

 

“I think we started on the wrong foot here, why don’t we start again?” Castiel remarked, before setting his book down and walking towards Dean. He held out his hand, before stating, “I’m Castiel, nice to meet you.” 

 

Dean took his hand stiffly, before replying, “Dean, nice to meet you too Cas,” 

 

*

The next few days, were some of the best ones Dean had had in a long while. He accepted that straight hitting on Cas the first time he saw him, wasn’t probably the  _ best  _ idea, and, to be honest, he’d really enjoyed getting to know him; as friends. 

 

He’d found that Cas was a huge fan of Vonnegut, and was currently on his third reading of  _ Cat’s Cradle.  _

 

He’d found out that Cas was an aspiring scientific researcher, predominantly interested into biological science. 

 

_ He also kept a small allotment for fun.  _

 

This then led to Cas explaining that he was a strong advocate for protecting the bees, and knew over thirty bee facts. 

 

_ Dean had found that one adorable.  _

 

It was so refreshing to finally distract himself from that constant guilt of hoping what could’ve been. Dean had needed to move on  _ properly  _ for a long while, and he’d finally started to feel as if he was getting there.

 

*

It was three months later, in the middle of an overflowing house party, that Castiel had kissed him. They’d decided to and try have some fun, away from the stress of finals, and, well, it ended in them  _ maybe  _ having a little bit too much to drink.

 

Or a lot.

 

It was a blur really. 

 

One minute, they’d been playing ‘never have I ever’ with Benny, Charlie and Jo, the next they were making out on Charlie’s porch. 

In all honesty, it wasn’t as if either of them regretted it. They’d been pining at each for a good month now and everyone could see it. Well, except for them. Maybe, they just needed the sweet truth of alcohol to kick start it. 

 

It was only when Dean woke up the next morning to a delightful headache, that he realised that Charlie may had (most definitely) set this up. 

 

“Fuck’s sake,” he mumbled, as he heaved himself up from Charlie’s carpet, “Charlie!” he added. 

 

“Mmm,” she called back from the doorway of her kitchen, holding a large bowl of pancake mix. She spotted Dean and looked down, “oh right, yeah, pancakes will be ready in a bit-” 

 

Dean scrambled up to standing, as he brushed down his crumpled clothes and interrupted, “did you set me and Cas up?” 

 

Charlie’s smile fell slightly and her face turned a little red. “No,” she lied. Dean continued to stare at her. “Okay! Okay! Maybe just a little bit,” she admitted. 

 

“Charlie,” Dean heaved. 

 

“Hey! It worked out though, didn’t it?” she added. 

 

Dean looked over to Cas who was curled into a sleepy ball on the couch. “I guess so.” 

 

“See? I’m amazing,” Charlie laughed, before disappearing back into the kitchen.

 

Dean didn’t know whether to hate her or hug her. 

 

_ Well, maybe more hug than hate.  _


	7. December 7th: Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so this one went a little depressing at times, but also quite fluffy. I hope I got the balance right.   
> Please let me know what you think, as I'm always willing for changes :)
> 
> Day: 7th
> 
> Prompt: Hope 
> 
> Words: 1.6k
> 
> Rating: Mature
> 
> Set: Modern AU
> 
> Pairings: Married Dean/Cas (parents to Jack)
> 
> Warnings: Car accident/ mild trauma

“How is he today?” Dean asked wearingly, as he walked up to the familiar hospital reception. 

 

“Better,” Tessa, smiled back, before typing out Dean his visitor card. Dean gave a weak smile back, before grabbing Jack’s hand and walking through the ward. 

 

It had only been a week since the accident and yet to Dean it had felt like a lifetime. That night had been like any other night; Dean was in the middle of the bedtime routine, trying desperately to get his energetic six year old to sleep and Castiel had gone out to fetch some takeaway. 

 

No one could’ve anticipated another car swerving out of the crossroads, straight into the Impala’s side. 

 

Dean knew something was wrong when Cas still hadn’t arrived twenty minutes later. He been idly watching some crappy TV show, after finally getting Jack to sleep, when he noticed the time. 

 

_ That’s weird, normally he’d be back by now.  _

 

He quickly gave him a call. 

 

No answer. 

 

And another. 

 

Still no answer. 

 

That’s when Dean really began to worry. Cas always picked up the second time; why wasn’t he now? A tight, almost sickening worry rose in his stomach as he quickly sent him a text. 

 

[23/11/17 19:35]

_ Hey honey, just wondering if you’ve been held in traffic or something. Let me know asap x _

 

The worrying feeling was rising now, as he started to pace the kitchen. He knew he couldn’t leave the house, with Jack sound asleep, but there was no word from his husband, and it scared him to death. 

 

After a few minutes, the phone finally rang jolting Dean out of his pacing. With shaky hands he quickly accepted it, not bothering to check the caller ID. 

 

“Cas? I was worrying-” he said with agitation. 

 

A calm female voice came through the receiver, “is this Mr. Dean Winchester?” the voice asked. 

 

Dean paused for a moment, as thousands of horrible thoughts than through his head. He took a deep breath before, answering, “yes, and this is?” 

 

“Sheriff Jody Mills, Sir. I’m afraid you’re husband has been involved in a car accident.” 

 

The worry in his stomach turned around and stabbed him in instead. 

 

*

Castiel had suffered from several cuts and bruises, two broken ribs, a fractured arm, and most distressing a collapsed lung. They’d sent him straight to A&E, for intensive care, after the firemen had managed free Castiel from the crushed car.

 

Dean had quickly arranged for his mother to babysit Jack, before rushing to hospital in her car. Sheriff Mills had met him in the ward, and ran him through a brief explanation of what happened, but she didn’t go into too much detail, sensing the waves of stress coming off Dean. 

 

She’d offered Dean a coffee, after the nurses had advised him to stay out of ICU until they knew he was stable. They didn’t want to risk either of them going into shock. Dean dejectedly agreed, while resisting the temptation to hit something. He desperately wanted to know if Cas was safe, and no one seemed to listen to him. 

 

A few minutes had passed, a Jody came back holding two cups of steaming coffee. 

 

“You’re husband is in safe hands, I promise,” she said, handing one of the cups over to Dean. 

 

Dean took it gratefully, not really believing what she said. 

 

“I just want to see him,” he cracked. 

 

“I understand. I’ve been through this before, right where you are now, and know it doesn’t seem easy, but trust me hang in there,” she explained. Dean turned his head to face her. 

 

She smiled at him before asking, “you got kids?” 

 

Dean formed a small smile, “a six year old, Jack,” he answered. 

 

“He’s very lucky to have Dad like you,” Jody announced, “from what I can tell you and your husband are very much in love,” she added. 

 

Dean smiled a little more, before adding a quick, “thank you.” 

 

Jody hummed in agreement before checking her radio, “I’m sorry, I’ve got to get back,” she explained before pausing to add, “Remember, you’ve got to stay strong for your little one. Don’t lose hope.” 

Dean looked back up to her, “I will,” he responded, with a deep breath. 

 

“My prayers are with you, Sir,” she replied, before turning back to her busy night shift. 

 

*

Soon after, a young bright-looking nurse came through to tell Dean that Castiel was stable, and that he could visit him if he’d like. 

 

A huge weight of relief had been lifted from Dean then, as he followed the nurse into the ward. 

 

Castiel was surrounded by staff and machines, quietly sleeping when Dean arrived by his bedside. He had blood encrusted in his hair and down his face, making Dean’s heart clench.

 

The doctor politely walked away, leaving Dean and Cas to their peace. Dean pulled a nearby chair close to the edge of his bed, a carefully grasped Castiel’s hand, trying not to disturb his rest. For a long while, Dean just watched the steady pulse of the heart monitor, reassuring himself that Castiel was still here  _ living.  _ Sometimes Cas would stir slightly, jolting Dean into worry again. However, eventually his drifted off into a sound sleep, still holding onto his husband’s hand tight.

 

*

The next few days had been a blur of hospital errands and hope for no bad news. Dean was allowed to visit whenever Castiel was resting, but he was only allowed to bring Jack with him in visiting hours. 

 

After the stress of Cas’ safety, explaining to Jack that his Dad had been involved in a car accident was extremely hard. At first Jack didn’t quite understand, and seemed quite content with having Grandma around more, but he soon started to understand. Well, what you could make of a situation like this as a six year old. 

 

Watching his son’s face cry was always heartbreaking, but watching it cry then had been almost too much to bear. 

 

_ “You’ve got to stay strong for your little one. Don’t lose hope.” _

 

“Hey, hey angel, come here. Papa’s got you,” Dean reassured while pulling Jack towards him into a hug. 

 

“Will Daddy get better?” Jack murmured, after his initial tears had died down. 

 

Dean pulled him back and brushed away his hair slightly, “of course bud. Like Grandma said ‘angels are watching over him’,” Dean added. 

 

*

This was the first time that Jack had visited Cas, and Dean could tell he was slightly intimidated by the hospital environment. He kept darting his eyes around, and clinging to the side of Dean’s jacket. 

 

“You okay bud?” Dean asked, stopping just before they reached Cas’ room. 

 

Jack nodded quickly, before spotting his Dad through the glass of the door. He instantly propped up his mood and bundled for the door. Dean laughed slightly as he scooped Jack up and carefully opened the door. 

 

This morning Castiel was awake and reading one of the few books Dean brought in. Tessa was right, he did look better today. Dean couldn’t help but pull a huge grin at the welcoming feeling of recovery. 

 

“Daddy!” Jack called, somehow managing to escape Dean’s clutches. Castiel looked up quickly in surprise before relaxing when he saw his family. 

 

“Hey, Jack,” Castiel replied quietly, shuffling over slightly to make room for Jack on his bed. Jack beamed as he curled up beside him, before going on to explain all the fun things him and Grandma had been getting up to recently. 

 

Castiel laughed pleasantly, leaning in to kiss the side of Jack’s face, before doing the same to Dean. 

 

“Seems like you’ve had a lot of fun, together,” Castiel smiled. 

 

“Oh yeah,” Jack replied, while fiddling with his jacket zipper, “but I’ve missed you too. Papa’s been real worried,” Jack added. 

 

Castiel looked over to Dean with smile, as Dean dashed his head slightly. 

 

“Well, Papa doesn’t need to worry for much longer, I’ll be out of here soon,” Castiel said, ruffling Jack’s hair slightly. 

 

“That’s great! Can you tell one of your bedtime stories when you get back? Papa’s are good, but not as good as yours,” Jack continued, causing Castiel to laugh and Dean to scoff. 

 

“Okay, that wasn’t very nice,” Dean replied in mock hurt. 

 

“I’m sure he speaks the truth, honey,” Castiel smiled, causing Dean to just roll his eyes back. 

 

Castiel’s nurse, Hannah, walks in then, preparing for his daily checkup. She quickly knocked, before pulling a large smile at the sight of Castiel’s visitors. 

 

“Popular today, Castiel,” she smiled, as Dean ushers Jack off Cas’ bed, much to his disgust. 

 

Castiel smiled back, before explaining Jack was his son. 

 

“You have a lovely family,” she smiled towards Cas and Dean. 

 

“Thank you,” Dean replied, before adding, “I’m guessing visiting time is over?” 

 

“Yes, sorry, I’ll need a few minutes to check up and then you can say goodbye. Although, I doubt you’ll be needed to stay for much longer Castiel. You’re making a good recovery,” Hannah responded, before scanning a clipboard at the end of Cas’ bed. 

 

“Of course, that’s great to hear,” Dean said, visibly relaxing a little more. 

 

*   
Two weeks later, and it was if everything was back to normal again. Castiel was home and Dean was a lot happier. They still had deal with the insurance for Baby, and the turmoil of keeping up with the police case after the accident. But Sheriff Mills, had seemed extremely helpful before, so Dean didn’t seem too put off by the prospect. All that mattered was that Cas was safe. Dean couldn’t ask for much more than that. 


	8. December 8th: Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small chapter! Hope you enjoy x
> 
> Day: 8th
> 
> Prompt: Fear
> 
> Words: 396
> 
> Set: SPN Canon
> 
> Pairings: Dean/Cas
> 
> Warnings: Grief, clown mention

It wasn’t often that the Winchester’s felt fear. Hell, they hunted monsters for a living and after years of experience, not much could frighten them. Yes, Sam had is lifetime fear for clowns, and Dean was clearly a germaphobe, even if he didn’t like to admit it, but they didn’t often feel  _ scared _ . In their childhood, the  _ monster under their bed  _ was little more than something their Dad would slay. They didn’t see much appeal to horror movies either. Quite often, they were living one, with day to day cases. 

 

No, what the Winchester’s feared wasn’t as simple as that. 

 

In their stunted normality, they feared loss, death, grief. The endless turmoil that they’d endured had worn them thin. Either of them feared losing one of their loved ones  _ (in oftentimes again)  _ more than anything. 

 

Sam feared Dean’s often desperate measures to save everyone else before himself, especially in high times of need.

 

He feared Dean’s lack of self-worth, when he found him passed out on his bedroom floor surrounded by empty liquor bottles.  _ He could lose him to this _ , he’d often think.

 

Dean feared the potential loss of whoever they had _ left _ . That, everytime they went out on a hunt Sammy could get injured of worse, and however many they went on, that instinct never died down. 

 

Dean feared for Castiel when he was out on another one of his rendezvous. Often, staying up late at night by the war room table, staring towards the bunker door, like some lost puppy. Or checking his phone screen every couple of minutes for a  _ I’m on my way back now  _ message to appear. 

 

He was eternally grateful for the loving relationships he had, and in no way was he ready to lose them.

 

So, yes, some could say the Winchesters were lucky for not growing up fearful. Not being scared of what lies out there. But, what really  _ was _ fear. In manys ways, it wasn’t the clear cut cliché that you children were told to believe. Fear was the gnawing feeling at the pit of stomach when somebody you loved could be in danger. Fear was the true sense of care. 

 

_ What could happen to those I love?  _

 

_ What if they never come back?  _

 

The Winchesters, unlike most people, lived in pretty much constant fear. Not from what they were fighting, but whom they were fighting for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr Masterpost](https://angelsweardeerstalkers.tumblr.com/spnadventmasterpost)


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